Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Normally, before I go to the center, I go to the post office to get any mail that is there. I get there and get the mail, close the box and then head back to the center. This was close to 12:40 in the afternoon. Now I am not going to say that i am slow, but it took a while for me to realize that I did not have my keys. I noticed this between 6 and 7.

Well after looking in all the usual places. That is in my jacket pockets and in the front pockets of my jeans. In my room at the cabin. In all the offices that I stepped into. All with the same results. They were not there.

At about 8 this evening that is when I remembered that there was one place I hadn’t checked yet. The post office. As there was a coworker here at the time, I decided to go check the post office. Yes, yes. The post office is closed this time of night. Well this po has boxes and that part they have been leaving open again, recently. So I get there and walk into the lobby and thought, “You have got to be kidding.”

The very things that I was hoping were going to be there, were. The keys were still in the PO box. Either people just didn’t see them or they were blinded when looking in that area. Needless to say, I felt relieved that I did not have to explain to my boss, that I had lost the keys. I have three words that fit this moment. “God is good.”

Get out of the car!!

Posted: 02/02/2012 in Jokes, Story
Tags: , , , , , ,

Mistaken Car

Proofreading is a dying art

 
   

 

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
 
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day.

 



I just couldn’t help but sending this along. Too funny.
   
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
 
     
No, really? Ya think?  
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
 
      Now that’s taking things a bit far!
 
 
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
 
      What a guy!
   
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
 
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
 
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant  
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
 
 
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War Dims Hope for Peace
 
I can see where it might have that effect!
 
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If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile  
  Ya think?!
 
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
 
     Who would have thought!
 
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain;
Police Suspect Homicide    
They may be on to something!
 
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
 
     You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
 
 
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Man Struck By Lightning:
Faces Battery Charge  
    He probably IS the battery charge!
 
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger
Test Group  
Weren’t they fat enough?!
 
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
 
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
 
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
 
      Do they taste like chicken?

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Local   High School
Dropouts Cut in Half  
      Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
 
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
 
      Boy, are they tall!
 
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And the winner is….
 
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
   
    Did I read that right?
 
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Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day
!

Kids in Church

Posted: 12/27/2009 in Jokes
Tags: , , , , , , ,

3-year-old Reese : ‘Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen..’

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A little boy was overheard praying: ‘Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.’

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After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, ‘That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.’

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One particular four-year-old prayed, ‘And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.’

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A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, ‘And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?’ One bright little girl replied, ‘Because people are sleeping.’

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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3 The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. ‘If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’ Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, ‘ Ryan , you be Jesus !’

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A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand… ‘Daddy, what happened to him?’ the son asked. ‘He died and went to Heaven,’ the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, ‘Did God throw him back down?’

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A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, ‘Would you like to say the blessing?’ ‘I wouldn’t know what to say,’ the girl replied. ‘Just say what you hear Mommy say,’ the wife answered. The = daughter bowed her head and said, ‘Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?’